Question:
The first thing anyone sees is the last guy you'd ever think would be
in an ECW locker room in the old days. Vince McMahon. He meets Marquis
Cor Van and is impressed. Sandman? Not so much. He tries to say hello
while Sandman is reading a USA Today, but the Hardcore Icon blows him
off. Vince tries a few chords of "Mr. Sandman" (wrong song), but that
doesn't work. I wonder if he's having Stone Cold flashbacks.
Answer:
1. Matt Striker def. CM Punk. 2nd time in 4 weeks that Punk has fallen
to defeat, and this time it's with a leverage violation. Return match
from 1/16, but this time there's no Kelly Kelly to give Punk some
voluntary backup. Striker blocks a sunset flip and grabs the ropes for
leverage for the cheap 3.
Vince meets Tommy Dreamer and questions why the "Innovator of
Violence" would even be named "Dreamer". TD has been in the employ of
WWE 6 1/2 years, and you'd think Vince would understand by now.
2. Hardcore Holly def. Rob Van Dam. See the pattern here, people? This
so far is the match of the night by plenty. These two just threw
everything but the kitchen sink at each other, and if there was a
portable sink, that would've been used if possible. Holly survived the
windmill kick and the Rolling Thunder, but dodged the 5-Star
Frogsplash. After ramming RVD into the post, Holly hit the Alabama
Slam for the clean pinfall.
Vince meets Sabu, and at first jokes that Sabu is a member of the
Taliban. No one'd be laughing at that, Vince. The insane chairman is
on his way to the ring, but first he meets Balls Mahoney, who's
listening to his walkman. Must be some heavy metal. Mahoney may be
Irish, but not enough to suit Vince.
Extreme Expose (Kelly, Layla El, & Brooke Adams) are in the ring to
dance to Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty". Kelly's the only bare-legged
one this week, so next week, they'll have her in nylons. Vince
interrupts and sends the girls to the back. He declares that the old
ECW "sucked". Yeah, right. Easy way to get heel heat for a guy who was
a benefactor of the old ECW. Vince brings out Elijah Burke as a
representation of the new ECW, and claimed he was going to change
things around for the better, as if he hasn't already done that the
last 8 months. Burke looks a little like actor-comic DL Hughley if you
discount the cornrows. He prattled on and on, which got the crowd to
chant, "Boring!". Just as the segment was about to end, Mahoney, Sabu,
Sandman, & Dreamer came down and destroyed Burke. A cane shot from
Sandman knocked out the former boxer, such that they could only get
him halfway onto a table for Sabu's Arabian Facebuster. Looks like
Vince will be returning or sending someone to be the new heel boss of
ECW. The winter just got longer for the tribe of extreme.
3. ECW title: Bobby Lashley def. Test. Lashley wasn't satisfied,
according to Joey Styles, with a countout win at the Royal Rumble.
Test gets a 3rd crack at the champion in 8 days, and ends up on the
losing end again. Test attempted a piledriver on the concrete early
on, but Lashley powered out. After the break, Test had control, after
Lashley had a couple of meetings with the ring post. However, the
Toronto Tower couldn't put Lashley away. He missed the boot to the
face, and Lashley connected with a running powerslam to seal the
deal.
Post-match, Lashley rolled Test out of the ring. He barely got the
belt back in his hands before the gong sounded. Yep, Undertaker in da
house. I see what they're doing. They want to make sure each of the
three sitting champions (Cena, Lashley, Batista) have the seed planted
that UT could challenge one of them at Mania, and try to cast doubt on
the more likely Batista-UT match. Test tried to sneak in with a chair,
but Taker cut him off with a chokeslam. He gave the sign of the belt
to Lashley at the end of the show. Hmmm.
Reportedly, Vince wasn't too happy with the 3-way that went down two
weeks ago between Test, Lashley, & Van Dam, and the show in general,
and claimed the ECW roster didn't have anyone that could actually
work. Again, proof positive that the man doesn't know what he's
talking about half the time. Figure on this. ECW will dissolve once
and for all after the current contract with Sci-Fi expires at the end
of the year unless there's a massive turnaround. If this was supposed
to offset Wrestling Society X, it didn't work, other than the fact
that WSX had already done it to themselves with a stealth premiere on
Friday that netted a lower rating than ECW usually gets.
Speaking of WSX, I caught the last part of the match between Jack
Evans & Matt Sydal. A very good match, ending with Evans shrugging off
the attempted interference of Sydal's valet-girlfriend, Lizzy
Valentine, and hitting the 630 splash for the win. I can see why WWE
is hot to try to sign Sydal & Evans, but as I have said before, TNA
would be wise to keep an eye open on these kids as well.
